I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You may now shotgun with the bride
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
