I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize