I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
