I want you more than these girls want KFC
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
