I heard we made out
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You don't make any sense
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