how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
