3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
