i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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