i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
