I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
