since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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