She said her name was "party"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
