So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I could fuck to npr.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
