just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
