you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
