she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
