fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
