I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
