I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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