My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
