i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
