i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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