The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize