It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
