you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Are my feet made of real feet?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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