his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
