I could have mohawked her pubes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
