saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
