Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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