**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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