I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
