my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
