I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
