i just had sex bonerless
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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