I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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