so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize