You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
