Will you blow on my dice?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
