Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
