That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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