This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
