Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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