OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
