It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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