8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
