If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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