she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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