just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
