I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
