I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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