You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
