You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
