Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
