I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
