Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
