Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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