my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
