she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
