There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
