im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tonight lets celebrate not being married
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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