Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
