I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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