somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
