he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
