if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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