My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
