ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
