How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
home. puking in laundry basket.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize