Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
