people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
