The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
