you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
