I wanna bring you to show and tell
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
